Mealtimes Can Be Stressful for Neurodivergent Kids: Here’s Why
Mealtimes can be overwhelming for kids generally — but can be past-threshold for many sensitive kids. Several factors may be responsible for making mealtimes challenging, and it’s crucial to understand and address the root causes of these issues instead of just seeing the behaviour, as that’s only the tip-of-the-iceberg.
Here are some behind-the-behaviour causes for tumultuous mealtimes with neurodivergent kids:
Misophonia
Certain sounds may trigger a strong involuntary response — such as intense anger, anxiety, or disgust — for sensitive individuals. For some neurodivergent children, the sound of others chewing, slurping, or swallowing can be unbearable and can make it difficult for them to focus on eating.
Sensory Processing
Many neurodivergent children struggle with food textures, tastes, and smells. It’s important to understand that this is not manipulative behaviour, but an honest reaction to something that they find very difficult. Some children may have “safe foods” that go over well generally, but even their favourite cracker or chicken nugget may pose problems when they are dysregulated.
Pervasive Desire for Autonomy or PDA (otherwise known as “Pathological Demand Avoidance”)
PDA is a condition where a child’s need for autonomy is driven by anxiety. If there are too many demands around mealtimes, such as being forced to eat certain foods or following a strict routine, it may trigger an anxiety response. The child may try to assert their agency by refusing food, even if they enjoy the food that’s being served.
It’s essential to support these challenges and make mealtimes more manageable for neurodivergent children. Here are some ways to help:
Offer sensory supports, such as using a weighted lap pad, wiggle seat, theraband around the chair leg, barrier (so they can’t see others eating), or headphones during mealtimes. These can help children stay calm and focused while reducing their stress and anxiety. Some kids may need to eat at a different time than others. While this seems extreme, the degree of their distress may be extreme and it needs to be taken seriously and believed.
Serve safe foods that the child is comfortable with. This provides a sense of security and familiarity. Introducing less preferred foods gradually and as an invitation (instead of an expectation) can also help the child expand their food choices without overwhelming them. Slotted plates can help as some kids may struggle to tolerate their food mixing or touching.
Offer as much control as possible. This can help reduce anxiety and create a more comfortable environment. For instance, allowing the child to choose the colour of the plate or the type of utensil can give them a sense of autonomy and control. Other kids may benefit more from structure and predictability — this is where intuition and knowing your kid comes in.
In summary — mealtimes can be challenging for neurodivergent children due to various reasons, such as misophonia, food issues, and PDA. Kids don’t just make up problems to get their way or manipulate the situation. If you dread mealtimes in your home it’s likely because your child has a legitimate struggle in this area.
It’s important to note that food issues can also become extreme to the point of being dangerous. If your child refuses to eat or has issues to the point of affecting their health and nutrition, they may have ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), and could benefit from seeing a neurodiversity-affirming Occupational Therapist who specializes in feeding.
As a mom of neurodivergent kids, I totally get how overwhelming mealtimes can be for the parents and caregivers — the struggle is real. I don’t want to minimize how difficult it can be to regulate (feel free to check out my fav calming strategies here).
To conclude, one of the key strategies to accessing a sense of calm at mealtimes isn’t actually a strategy at all—it’s a way of being. As we’re able to access our own sense of groundedness in the situation, and take a step back from the immediate overwhelm, we can actually prep our kids for the future as we tune into the moment.
Kerry
If this post resonates with you, check out my Safe & Strong support needs workbook. This resource will help you to uncover and understand your kids needs beyond mealtimes, and learn how to support them.
