Why Does My Neurodivergent Kid Talk in a ‘Baby’ Voice?
As a parent of a neurodivergent child, you may have noticed that they sometimes talk in a ‘baby’ voice. While it may seem cute or endearing at first, you may wonder if there is a deeper meaning to this behaviour. While there is no study (that I’ve found, anyways) that specifically looks at this phenomenon, there are some possible explanations.
One possible explanation for the ‘baby’ voice is dysregulation. Children often use whining or crying as a means to express their needs. If your child is using a whiny or high-pitched tone, it may be a signal that they are dysregulated and need some support to feel calm and in control. “Needy” kids come across that way because they have needs ;)
Another possible explanation is that your child may be taking on a character or role. This is particularly common in children with Pathological/Protective Demand Avoidance (PDA), a profile of autism characterized by extreme anxiety around everyday demands. Their survival drive for autonomy overrides other survival instincts which can result in both confusing and sometimes dangerous behaviours. In these cases, taking on a different persona or character can help reduce anxiety and provide a sense of control.
The most likely/common explanation (in my opinion) for the ‘baby’ voice is a fear of exposure or difficulty accessing vulnerability. Children with neurodivergent profiles may feel self-conscious or anxious about expressing their true selves, and using a different tone of voice may offer a layer of protection. Social anxiety may also be a contributing factor.
If you notice your child using a ‘baby’ voice, it’s important to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. Rather than dismissing or criticizing the behaviour, try to understand what may be driving it. You can ask your child questions to help them identify and express their feelings. For example, you might say, “I notice you’re using a different voice. Is there something you’re feeling that you want to tell me about?”
Using this approach may be a turn-off for some kids though and I imagine you can predict their reaction. They may feel exposed to be called out like that. That’s the thing with parenting neurodivergent kids — one approach will make one kid feel seen and that very same approach may trigger another child! This is where your intuition comes it.
Either way, by showing your child that you are open to understanding their emotions and needs, you can help them build trust and feel more comfortable expressing themselves in their own unique way. The most important thing is to approach your child with love, compassion, and patience. For some kids this looks like noticing and naming what you see. For other kids, it’s doing the opposite — offering presence but keeping them out of the spotlight.
And in this case, it may be important to ask yourself — how important is it that I address this? If it’s causing no harm to them or anyone else, it may be a matter of just accepting the way that they show up in the world, which is the most protective ‘strategy’ of all.
Kerry
If this post resonates with you, check out my Safe & Strong support needs workbook. This resource will help you to uncover and understand the reasoning behind your kids ‘baby’ voice and learn how to support them.
