I’m the Best Parent Ever (in theory)
Parenting is a twisty-turny journey, and even if you're armed with an arsenal of strategies, putting them into practice can be a whole different story. If you've ever found yourself in a situation where your well-intentioned plans seem to crumble in the face of real-life parenting, you're not alone.
Today I’m gonna get vulnerable with you. Instead of putting on my therapist hat, I'm going to share a personal reflection on the challenges of implementing strategies as a parent of neurodivergent kids, and offer some words that are perhaps a bit more raw and real.
A Peek Behind the Curtain
I spend a significant portion of my professional and personal life delving into the intricacies of parenting strategies, particularly when it comes to understanding the complex behaviour of children and youth. It's not just a job for me – it's my Special Interest, the topic that truly fascinates and drives me. Yet, despite my enthusiasm and expertise, I have to admit:
There are moments when my kids can still seriously push my buttons
There are times when frustration takes over, and I find myself raising my voice
There are instances when I struggle to recall even the most basic strategies, especially when overwhelmed
Yes, you read that right. Even though I offer support and guidance to other parents as part of my profession, I too grapple with these challenges. The weight of parenting guilt can be immense when I feel like I'm falling short of the ideals I talk about.
Why It's Okay
If you're nodding your head in recognition, please understand that struggling to consistently apply parenting strategies doesn't make you a bad parent. There's a myriad of reasons why putting theories into practice can be challenging, and here are two:
1. Sensory Overload: Sometimes, it's hard to remain calm and collected in the midst of the chaos that comes with raising kids. Overstimulation from constant kid-noise, combined with physical and emotional exhaustion, can make it nearly impossible to keep your cool.
2. Ghosts of the Past: Unpleasant memories or past experiences can rear their heads during parenting moments, making it difficult to think straight when you're triggered by past events. Whether it's remnants from your own childhood or echoes of previous attempts at managing behavior, these ghosts can cloud your judgment.
A Shared Experience
If you're finding yourself stuck between the desire to be the parent you want to be and the reality of parenting challenges, know that I'm right there with you. This job – because let's face it, it's a job – is far from easy. There will be days when offering yourself compassion feels like an uphill battle, and there will be days when just keeping the ship afloat seems like a monumental task.
To Conclude
Parenting is a process marked by growth, both for your children and for you. Remember that it's perfectly normal to encounter roadblocks and hurdles, and it's okay if your execution of parenting strategies doesn't always align with your intentions. Offer yourself grace and understanding in those moments when things don't go as planned. Compassion is a valuable tool in your parenting toolkit – wield it generously, as you can. And, most importantly, keep going. Imperfectly as the process is, your existence and intentions are far more powerful than you know.
Kerry
If this post resonates with you, check out my Safe & Strong support needs workbook. As parents of neurodivergent kids, we often have complex needs ourselves, and this resource may help you to uncover and support them.
